Gettin' Hosed

Well, it seems the Fire Department of New York has its collective panties in a twist over the FDNY's placement in New York's annual St. Patrick's Day Parade. Instead of their traditional place of honor near the front in third position, firefighters have been shoved way back, so they won't be seen until about 35 minutes into the march.

Well boo frickin' hoo.

The resident Nazi who makes all the parade decisions was pissed last year when uninvited firefighters from New Orleans marched with the FDNY and unfurled a banner thanking New Yorkers for their support after Katrina. Seems it delayed the parade. As further retribution he's also trying to keep the FDNY EMS Band (who knew there was such a thing) out of the parade too.

More boo frickin' hoo.

Parade Nazi refuses to discuss it... refuses to comment to the newspapers... says he is the ultimate decision maker and everyone else can kiss his royal green ass.

Ergo... the firefighters, Mayor, City Council, and a bunch of other yahoos have their panties in a twist.

I couldn't care less.

Where have all these people been year after year when the parade Nazi and his fellow Irish autocrats have barred New York gays and lesbians from marching in the parade? And I still don't get the city allowing the discrimination when that discrimination is illegal if the non-profit agency or organization does business with the city or receives city assistance. And, since the parade uses enormous city resources in closing Fifth Avenue, police, sanitation, EMS and so on, this makes no sense. But everyone looks the other way, because it's the St. Patrick's Day Parade and the Irish, and gosh, it's tradition.

Well screw them.

New York's firefighters now understand what it feels like to be second class citizens. It sucks. They also know what it feels like to complain and be ignored. It still sucks. And they know what it feels like when you know you are being dicriminated against for no good reason and nobody will lift a finger to help you. Big time sucks.

Maybe next year when New York's gay and lesbian groups try once again to get a place in the parade and look for public support, New York's firefighters will come to their aid. But I doubt it. More likely they'll get hosed yet again.

Turn Back The Clock

I hate Daylight Saving Time. You've probably never heard anyone actually hate a parameter of time. Or if they do, why would they dislike one that gives us more light in the evening? Because I do. I like having light when I get up in the morning. Getting up before dawn makes it seem too damn early. I like it being dark when I go home at night. It feels like the day is reaching a natural conclusion, the city is illuminated the way it should be, and I feel like I can relax. And I haven't quite figured out the value of daylight until 9PM. Stretching and contorting the day doesn't work for me. It screws up my body clock and short-circuits my sleep, which is messed up enough already.

Daylight Saving Time was an idea originally meant to give the farmers more time in the fields. Last I checked, farmers along the Northeast Corridor weren't too concerned with it. The big corporate farms elsewhere seem to be doing just fine, raising milk prices year 'round, with or without time changes. Now Congress says a longer DST will save energy. Sure it will. Because people getting up in the now pre-dawn morning can probably get dressed in the dark and the lights in most office buildings that are on all day and all night must use less electricity when the sun is up.

I was pleased to discover I'm not really alone. I found an article in Slate Magazine online that actually seems to agree with my contention that daylight saving time is just a bad excuse to force us to fumble with clocks that don't automatically adjust themselves. (Note to the people at XM Radio... you guys never figured out how to update your receivers early, did you?) It even suggests that the whole idea is dangerous to small children. Not that Congress has ever cared about small children. (Lack of universal health care, minimal access to affordable daycare, Head Start cuts, etc.)

Like most other bad ideas to come out of Washington, this is unlikely to change. We'll be stuck with extended Daylight Saving Time until the End Of Time. Except in Hawaii, Arizona and certain parts of Indiana where they realize it's all nonsense and told the government long ago to stick their clocks in their collective colons.

Those places have managed to survive without the semi-annual clock setting ordeals. The kids, cows and cowboys all live full and productive lives. Or at least as close as you can come to it in Indiana.

An Open Letter To My Building Management

Dear K----:

I hope this finds you well and that you had a good weekend.

This will not be my first letter to you on this subject, and somehow I doubt it will be my last. But perhaps I should try a new approach.

How proud you must be, to have signed the New York Knicks, New York Jets, United States Marine Corps and Continental Airlines, all as tenants of Apartment 26-B above me. It must be cozy up there, but given the noise coming from that apartment, they are certainly all keeping busy.

First there are the Knicks, running back and forth across the floor, bouncing balls and whatever else they might have, at all hours of the day and night. How they haven't had a championship season given all the practice they're getting in every day is beyond me. Perhaps they should invite over a few more screaming children. The screaming kids they already have up there each day don't same to be enough inspiration. Maybe a few hundred more will do the trick.

Then there are the Jets. Oh my, the touchdowns they must be scoring, given how many times they are juming up and down in what must be their victory dances. I don't know what those cleats are doing to the hardwood floors though. Now, once upon a time you told me that the people up there had promised to put down rugs to deaden the noise. They obviously realized that rugs would get in the way of the basketball and football, so that plan has apparently been scrapped. The cleats might indeed do a number on the floors, but isn't it worth it to have Gang Green on the 26th floor?

And then there are Marines. Semper Fi! What a good American you are... allowing them to march back and forth in close order drill constantly. No slippers or socks for those adults. No sirree... not when U.S. military issue combat boots are available for stomping around a two bedroom apartment. God Bless the USA and 26-B.

And of course, Continental AIrlines. Newark International just wasn't enough. It has to be jet planes making that grinding sound every Sunday afternoon from one end of their apartment to the other. If it weren't for the Knicks and the Jets up there already, I might think the Rangers had taken over and it was the Zamboni smoothing the ice. But that would just be crazy talk. Now, I don't know how you manage to get those jet planes through that narrow hallway, but at least I know I can save on car service expense and just take the elevator up one flight instead of taking a town car to Newark.

So K----, it is indeed an accomplishment for you, packing all that into one small apartment on the 26th floor. But for some of us on the 25th floor, it can be a bit overwhelming. Now, we have talked about this before and nothing seems to be changing, so I guess our building is destined to be the new Upper West Side Madison Square Garden International Airport. Unforunately, it's a little more than I can take, so I guess I'll be forced to look for an apartment a little less athletic when my lease is up. Maybe I can move into the traffic island in the middle of Times Square.

Until then, I've decided to start drinking heavily and will deduct the wine costs from my rent. 311 said I could. If you don't believe me, call them yourself. By the time you get through, I'll be unpacked uptown somewhere.

That's all for now.

Oh... someday remind me to tell you about the people in the apartment next door screwing in their dining room.

Best regards...

Over The Shoulder

This week I was reminded of one of the best things of living in this city. It's one of those strange little connections you make that is just kind of fun, even when it has nothing to do with you.

My friend Nick wound up over Jon Stewart's shoulder on The Daily Show. Nick is actually an intern on the show, and wound up in a graphic for a story.



That's Nick reading the computer monitor.

Now, in the world of Newt Gingrich extra-marital affairs, turning clocks forward, Dannylynn's daddy and the mystery New Jersey Mega Millions winner, how important can this really be? (Sorry Nick.) But still, I think it's cool to know somebody who actullay sat in front of a faux subway wall with a computer in his lap to be photographed to be shrunk down for a Jon Stewart over-the-shoulder graphic.

Given the givens in a world where they have polls and public opinion barometers to regulate the levels of unhappiness and hate... I think we all need a brief over-the-shoulder moment every now and then.

Check out Nick's MySpace page.

By the way... Nick is a smart guy who hopes for a career in comedy. Someone should hire him.

He Must Have Been Getting A Pedicure That Day

It is getting harder and harder to avoid dealing with national politics here, especially when the topics are so ripe for the picking.

Now it turns out that Rudy Giuliani doesn't get along with his children. Truth be known, Giuliani doen't get along with very many people, but generally he has managed to trot out his kids even when his marriage, professional connections and other relationships go south. But children are excellent, if under-appreciated, bullshit monitors.

John Gotti might have been a notorious mobster, but his kids stuck by him. They knew that there was still something worthwhile beneath and beyond the larcenous and murderous intents. Richard Nixon's children were fiercely protective of him and Ferdinand Marcos had four children who stuck by him.

Interestingly enough though, Mr. American Hero, Rudy Giuliani, can't seem to count his children as his fans. He isn't the only politician to have pissed of his kids. Fidel Castro's daughter, Alina, lives in Miami, where she, like thousands of other exiles, waits for the fall of her father.

But Mr. Giuliani, who, according to his own hype, must have donned blue tights and a red cape in 2001 to single handedly save the city, managed to skip his own son's high school graduation and his daughter's theatrical productions in which she was the star. HE MISSED HIS SON'S HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION.

Now, my father was the nastiest, meanest son of a bitch to walk the face of the earth. He and I had a violent fight the week before my graduation. I wanted to bar him from coming, but my mother talked me out of it. Even if I had tried, I am reasonably certain he would have shown up in the school gym that night anyway. And Rudy is Rudy. Even if his son refused to give him a ticket for the event or reserve him a seat, Rudy can get into anyplace for any reason in New York. Hell, they probably would have rolled him in on a solid gold throne. He can do it if he wants to. He obviously didn't want to. That speaks volumes about the character, or lack of it, of the man.

Which brings me to my one and only mention of the Clintons today. They have their own family issues and family troubles as well. No question. However, absolutely no one, including their most vocal critics, could ever question or criticize their love, devotion and dedication to their daughter. I believe Bill and Hill both would walk away from politics in a New York minute rather than turn their backs on their daughter.

Mr. and (the current) Mrs. Rudy Giulianis seem to have other priorities.

I don't like or enjoy seeing family discord, but I am always amzed by the pompous "do-as-we-say, not-as-we-do" mentality of the Republicans and their conservative base. Not that Giuliani is as conservative as some of their Confederate flag waving, white hooded mainstays, but he is learning to bow and scrape to them more every day.

So, just so I have this straight, let me paint the picture of modern Republican family values...

Have lots of marriages. Make sure you start schtupping your new spouses while you're married to your old ones. Whenever possible, make sure your spouse hears you announce on live television your intention of getting a divorce.

Oppose abortion. Force everybody to have children. Once they're born, deny them health care. Put them in the worst schools you can find. House them in the worst projects in the city. Make sure they have no access to quality education. Discourage job training. Repeat the cycle.

When it comes to your own kids, teach them the joys of booze, extra-marital affairs, living beyond their means, compromising your own values to get ahead, and at some point, lock them out of your lives.

On the other hand, make sure you organize your party and as many conservative fringe groups as possible to stop people from marrying each other, raising kids or fulfilling their own American dream, because they happen to be doing it with members of the same sex. After all, a happy same-sex family must be worth far less than a dysfunctional, miserable so-called mainstream family.

Rudy Giuliani is running for president. At some point, he will start waving the family flag and talking about the importance of the wholesome, nuclear, modern American family. It will be a very important issue to him, as long as the family he's talking about isn't his.
________________________________________________

On a different subject...
Watch this week's Jossip TV. It's great.