Swimming Takes A Dive
One of the best short vacations I ever took was going to the summer Olympics. To keep from dating myself, I'll refrain from mentioning the year. We were there the first week, which was the week of a lot of the preliminaries, and didn't get to see many medal finals. But still, it was an exciting experience. Since then, I've watched the games on television in an entirely different way.
But this year, as I watch the qualifying events on television, I am already disappointed. It has nothing to do with the performances or the athletic prowess. It's the bathing suits.
Where the hell are the Speedos????
What sick mind devised these swim suits for men that look like 1808 bathing costumes for women? Neck to ankle silicone suits?
Are you kidding me? Where are the skimpy little hankies that barely covered the goodies, and certainly NEVER hid the bulges?
Does anybody believe people watch the water events to actually see the dives or the butterfly strokes or the paddling skills? Uhhh... NO! We watch to see all the ripped boys in those too tight little bikinis diving in dry and jumping out wet, with the suits showing us as much forbidden real estate as network television can handle.
Supposedly these new Mormon suits help eliminate drag and friction in the water. Well, they may eliminate friction in the water, but they're not helping friction in the living room. If I wanted to see repressed stud boys, I'd go sight-seeing at the seminary in Yonkers. The whole idea of Olympic swimming is to feed the fantasies of women and gay men in living rooms around the world. I mean, get real... how many straight men do you know who actually watch men's diving? It's right up there with Project Runway and So You Think You Can Dance.
I'm told there's a whole international scandal about these suits, with other nations accusing the United States of trying to achieve an unfair advantage and get the upper hand on the competition. Well, while the US team is getting the upper hand, millions of boys at home have nothing to do with theirs.
If this catches on, the next thing we'll see is Superman in a kilt, Batman & Robin in basketball shorts, and Boys Gone Wild in Amish country. The Olympic team has forgotten the first commandment of competitive sports: It's not whether you win or lose. It's how good you look in the gear.
But this year, as I watch the qualifying events on television, I am already disappointed. It has nothing to do with the performances or the athletic prowess. It's the bathing suits.
Where the hell are the Speedos????
What sick mind devised these swim suits for men that look like 1808 bathing costumes for women? Neck to ankle silicone suits?
Are you kidding me? Where are the skimpy little hankies that barely covered the goodies, and certainly NEVER hid the bulges?Does anybody believe people watch the water events to actually see the dives or the butterfly strokes or the paddling skills? Uhhh... NO! We watch to see all the ripped boys in those too tight little bikinis diving in dry and jumping out wet, with the suits showing us as much forbidden real estate as network television can handle.
Supposedly these new Mormon suits help eliminate drag and friction in the water. Well, they may eliminate friction in the water, but they're not helping friction in the living room. If I wanted to see repressed stud boys, I'd go sight-seeing at the seminary in Yonkers. The whole idea of Olympic swimming is to feed the fantasies of women and gay men in living rooms around the world. I mean, get real... how many straight men do you know who actually watch men's diving? It's right up there with Project Runway and So You Think You Can Dance.
I'm told there's a whole international scandal about these suits, with other nations accusing the United States of trying to achieve an unfair advantage and get the upper hand on the competition. Well, while the US team is getting the upper hand, millions of boys at home have nothing to do with theirs.
If this catches on, the next thing we'll see is Superman in a kilt, Batman & Robin in basketball shorts, and Boys Gone Wild in Amish country. The Olympic team has forgotten the first commandment of competitive sports: It's not whether you win or lose. It's how good you look in the gear.
posted by Bill at
11:25 AM
1 Comments:
a lot of the posts leave me feeling sad, but this one made me smile. i'm glad i found you - i don't feel so alone.
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