Not Going Anywhere
Now that Pride Week has come and gone for 2008, I am reminded of an important distinction that I think must be made in the quest for Equal Rights.
Tolerance vs Acceptance.
The gay community has been campaigning for, insisting on and rallying around the idea of "tolerance" since the idea of gay rights began. It is one of those favorite terms used by our supporters and opponents alike. Our best friends call for tolerance of all people. Our worst enemies are defined as textbook examples of intolerance.
I'm not sure we should want or accept the idea of "tolerance". I think we should demand nothing less than complete acceptance.
You tolerate a bunion. You tolerate your brother driving 50 miles an hour in the left lane of I-95. You even tolerate the loud frickin' neighbors upstairs. You tolerate something you really don't like and will be happy to see go away forever.
I don't think I want to be just tolerated.
There are those linguists who will argue that tolerance is a synonym for acceptance. That it is, in fact, a form of acceptance of those who believe or live differently than you do. Perhaps. However, even that liberal interpretation of tolerance still suggests that being gay is unusual, perverse, less than normal, and requiring society's special consideration.
Bullshit.
Acceptance is approval and welcoming. It is an invitation into your life and heart. There's quite a difference between acceptance of your best friend's new wife... and tolerance of her.
For some, this is a small thing. Nit-picking. A needless choice among equals. For others it will be a question of taking what we get, no matter what it is called. Kind of like settling for a scoop of store brand vanilla ice cream while the guy at the next table gets the Ben & Jerry's triple hot fudge sundae... and you both pay the same on the way out.
I don't like the option. This is a tough fight that has gone on for decades and will probably continue long after my ashes are washing up on a Pacific beach. So, if you're going to fight a tough fight, you might as well go for everything.
If all you can manage is tolerance, you're not doing enough. I demand acceptance.
The funny thing is, if you recognize and understand the difference, you're probably already there. If you don't, you're not even close.
Tolerance vs Acceptance.
The gay community has been campaigning for, insisting on and rallying around the idea of "tolerance" since the idea of gay rights began. It is one of those favorite terms used by our supporters and opponents alike. Our best friends call for tolerance of all people. Our worst enemies are defined as textbook examples of intolerance.
I'm not sure we should want or accept the idea of "tolerance". I think we should demand nothing less than complete acceptance.
You tolerate a bunion. You tolerate your brother driving 50 miles an hour in the left lane of I-95. You even tolerate the loud frickin' neighbors upstairs. You tolerate something you really don't like and will be happy to see go away forever.
I don't think I want to be just tolerated.
There are those linguists who will argue that tolerance is a synonym for acceptance. That it is, in fact, a form of acceptance of those who believe or live differently than you do. Perhaps. However, even that liberal interpretation of tolerance still suggests that being gay is unusual, perverse, less than normal, and requiring society's special consideration.
Bullshit.
Acceptance is approval and welcoming. It is an invitation into your life and heart. There's quite a difference between acceptance of your best friend's new wife... and tolerance of her.
For some, this is a small thing. Nit-picking. A needless choice among equals. For others it will be a question of taking what we get, no matter what it is called. Kind of like settling for a scoop of store brand vanilla ice cream while the guy at the next table gets the Ben & Jerry's triple hot fudge sundae... and you both pay the same on the way out.
I don't like the option. This is a tough fight that has gone on for decades and will probably continue long after my ashes are washing up on a Pacific beach. So, if you're going to fight a tough fight, you might as well go for everything.
If all you can manage is tolerance, you're not doing enough. I demand acceptance.
The funny thing is, if you recognize and understand the difference, you're probably already there. If you don't, you're not even close.
posted by Bill at
5:19 AM
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