Pod People
I don’t know if Shirley MacLaine is right and if there are future lives after this one... but if there are, I know what I want to be when I come back.
An iPod.
Strange but true. And perhaps manufactured objects aren’t on the table for reincarnation, but the allure is there.
I was in the Apple store yesterday. As far as the eye could see, men and women, young and old, tenderly caressing all things Apple. It was a retailer’s version of live action porn. But few things there or anywhere else rate the love, adoration and commitment of the iPod in all its variations.
People can’t be separated from their iPods. They buy them wonderful dress up outfits, keep them clean and shiny and constantly feed them new content. They take them with them everywhere. Work, vacation, the gym, the car wash, school, funerals, job interviews, shopping… it doesn’t much matter. It goes everywhere with them. The commitment to take their iPods seems more important than taking their spouses or children. Of course, the iPods are far less demanding and far more accommodating. After all, at least you can stop an iPod from constantly repeating the same old song.
I want that kind of love and commitment.
Scan the personal profiles from MySpace, AOL, Tickle, Match or whatever, and you’ll find questions asking the three, four or five things people can’t live without. Invariably, their iPod is going to be on the list. More than a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, child, pet, Honda, toaster or rubber blow up doll, people want their iPod more than just about anything else.
How can anything compete with that?
Don’t get me wrong. I joined in the orgy, plunking down $400 for a new iPod and case to buy myself a little love. My new sleek video model replaces an older first generation version that just kind of died before Christmas. Yes, I could live without the iPod and yes there are other devices in my fleet of electronics that could take its place. But nothing is quite as universal as iPod intoxication. And now that it has video as well, I can actually be mesmerized by staring at the screen instead of watching the real world go by.
So in my next life, I want to be an iPod. I want my wheel spun and clicked lovingly. I want to be stared at for hours on end, listened to without question, never left behind, ignored, overlooked or taken for granted. In my next life I want to be an iPod... to be the last thing someone touches at night and the first they touch in the morning. I want to the object for which they buy accessories, bling and endless amounts of goodies to fill me.
I want to be an iPod so that someone will absolutely unspool if they discover I haven’t been properly cradled at night or they’ve neglected to plug me in. I mean, who doesn’t like the idea of a priority plugging?
An iPod.
Strange but true. And perhaps manufactured objects aren’t on the table for reincarnation, but the allure is there.
I was in the Apple store yesterday. As far as the eye could see, men and women, young and old, tenderly caressing all things Apple. It was a retailer’s version of live action porn. But few things there or anywhere else rate the love, adoration and commitment of the iPod in all its variations.
People can’t be separated from their iPods. They buy them wonderful dress up outfits, keep them clean and shiny and constantly feed them new content. They take them with them everywhere. Work, vacation, the gym, the car wash, school, funerals, job interviews, shopping… it doesn’t much matter. It goes everywhere with them. The commitment to take their iPods seems more important than taking their spouses or children. Of course, the iPods are far less demanding and far more accommodating. After all, at least you can stop an iPod from constantly repeating the same old song.
I want that kind of love and commitment.
Scan the personal profiles from MySpace, AOL, Tickle, Match or whatever, and you’ll find questions asking the three, four or five things people can’t live without. Invariably, their iPod is going to be on the list. More than a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, child, pet, Honda, toaster or rubber blow up doll, people want their iPod more than just about anything else.
How can anything compete with that?
Don’t get me wrong. I joined in the orgy, plunking down $400 for a new iPod and case to buy myself a little love. My new sleek video model replaces an older first generation version that just kind of died before Christmas. Yes, I could live without the iPod and yes there are other devices in my fleet of electronics that could take its place. But nothing is quite as universal as iPod intoxication. And now that it has video as well, I can actually be mesmerized by staring at the screen instead of watching the real world go by.
So in my next life, I want to be an iPod. I want my wheel spun and clicked lovingly. I want to be stared at for hours on end, listened to without question, never left behind, ignored, overlooked or taken for granted. In my next life I want to be an iPod... to be the last thing someone touches at night and the first they touch in the morning. I want to the object for which they buy accessories, bling and endless amounts of goodies to fill me.
I want to be an iPod so that someone will absolutely unspool if they discover I haven’t been properly cradled at night or they’ve neglected to plug me in. I mean, who doesn’t like the idea of a priority plugging?
posted by Bill at
12:25 PM
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